


What do You do When They don't Love You?

by CPSpecter



Category: Suikoden I
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 11:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8487313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CPSpecter/pseuds/CPSpecter
Summary: After losing Gremio once, Tir decides to reveal his true feelings to Gremio- an action he knows will be in vain.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written on my phone so formatting is fierce. 8D

     The young commander laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was nightfall, and ribbons of moonlight filtered through the windows, casting their dull glow upon the floor of Tir's chambers. His stomach was full- or as full as he could manage. He had only picked at his supper, his mind preoccupied. His caretaker and bodyguard occupied his thoughts. Gremio.  
     Now that Tir was a man, though young, his affection for Gremio had changed. When he was younger, he assumed that he just cared a lot about Gremio- a sentiment he still shared- but now, with the knowledge of a near-adult and the trauma of losing him once, he realized that he loved the older man. A lot. He always dreamed of them intimately, but he just dismissed it as dreams and their usual nonsense. After Gremio had... died... his dreams turned to torture. He'd wake up, in a sweat, his heart aching for his lost comrade, but his libido screaming for satisfaction. However, Gremio had been resurrected and was presently in the castle, guarding Tir's chamber. Tir's heart raced. He knew he could never have the older man- he looked at Tir like a son- but he couldn't bear the weight of holding this secret. Sitting up, he tossed his blanket over his lap and called softly, "Gremio...?"  
     No response. He cleared his throat and called a little louder, " Gremio?" He waited. He heard shuffling and the door creaked open, revealing a sliver of the man who stood guard over Tir's door. His blue eyes reflected concern, and Tir's heart accelerated when he looked at the older man's lips.  
     " Is everything alright, Young Master?" Gremio asked, concern blatantly leaking into his voice. Tir hesitated.  
     " I can't sleep," he said, mentally cursing himself for the most juvenile excuse in existence. Gremio smiled- just noticeably- and spoke, " Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?"  
     Tir nodded and beckoned him in. Surprised, Gremio stepped into the threshold, worry taking over his face. Tir gestured to the door and Gremio responded by closing it. Rather urgently, he strode over to Tir's bedside and kneeled, looking up at the younger man's face.  
     " Is everything alright, Young Master?" He murmured, his eyes searching Tir's for an answer. Tir hesitated again.  
     " I missed you..." he whispered, looking to Gremio. Gremio's features seemed to soften; relax. The Young Master's face looked almost exactly like he remembered the little boy- the little boy who would cry in fear and hold onto Gremio like the monsters of his dreams were going to spring forth and eat him.  
     " I know. Forgive me, Young Master... I didn't mean to leave you alone. But... I knew you had to survive. I knew you could care for yourself. I never meant to..." his eyes fell. " I don't deserve your forgiveness. I knew I would hurt you, but you needed to live."  
     " I forgive you, Gremio..." Tir murmured, reaching to Gremio, stopping before his hand made contact with the other man's chin. This was enough to coax Gremio to look up at him. His Young Master's eyes were soft and forgiving, but something foreign glinted in them.  
     " Th-thank you, Young Master..." he stammered, his voice low and tinged with awe. Tir turned his gaze away from Gremio and into his own lap, his lashes shielding his eyes. This made the older man frown.  
     " Is something on your mind, Young Master? Do you wish to talk about it?" Gremio queried gently as he slipped up onto the edge of the bed, turning himself at the waist to face the younger man. Tir remained silent for a few moments before finally speaking.  
     " What do you do when you love someone, but you know that it's impossible to be together because they don't love you back?" He asked, his voice quiet and small. Gremio blinked.  
     " Well... do they know that you have those sort of feelings for them?"  
     Tir shook his head. Gremio nodded knowingly.  
     " Well, I think it would be best to tell them the truth. You'll never be able to move on if you never say anything. Even if nothing comes of it, at least you'll know the answer and won't spend your time wondering," Gremio said, his voice soft and gentle in the late night air. Tir looked at him for what seemed like an eternity. Neither man moved, just stared into each other's eyes. Tir was first to break contact, looking to his lap again.  
     " Thank you Gremio. I'll be honest with them. I... um..." he paused, his eyes flickering over to Gremio. Gremio leaned in a bit closer, looking at Tir with a mixture of his usual concern and curiosity.  
     " Go on, Young Master," Gremio murmured, waiting patiently for Tir to finish.  
     " I have dreams... about... y-you," Tir stammered nervously, keeping his gaze fixed on his lap. Gremio visibly tensed, staring hard into the younger man, guilt carved into his face.  
     " About that day in Soniere...?" He asked, hoping that Tir would shake his head. His hope was answered when Tir did, in fact, shake his head. " Then what kind of dreams do you have?"  
     " Well... usually we're both in the dream... it... starts out normally, but then... we..." he trailed off, something deep in his chest clenching. Gremio waited patiently for him to continue. Tir inhaled deeply before continuing.  
     " We start... kissing," he finished. Heat rose to his face, his fists tightening into the sheets. He'd said it. He heard Gremio inhale in a soft gasp.  
     " Oh..." was all the older man could muster. Tir waited for the inevitable rejection to come. Gremio cleared his throat, and though it was dark, Tir was sure that he was blushing.  
     " I-I'm very flattered, Young Master," he started, his voice shaky with awkwardness and nerves, " sometimes, these sorts of dreams happen, but it's really not so uncommon, and certainly not something to feel... embarrassed about," he said, his composure returning to him.  
     " Then... I should feel embarrassed that I sometimes... daydream about it," Tir deduced, feeling heat in his palms. He was sweating. Gremio rubbed his palm on his thigh- a nervous gesture- before speaking.  
     " That's... I'm not angry, Young Master. Anything but. I'm happy that you're sharing these things with me. But, if I may ask, why do you have these thoughts about me?"  
      Tir shifted, uncomfortable under the older man's gaze.  
     " I..." he swallowed hard at the tightness in his throat, " I... I'm... I'm in love with you," he finally blurted, a bit more forceful than he would've liked. Gremio stared at him, wide-eyed.  
     " Young Master, I..." he began, but immediately cut himself short when he saw Tir's expression. The younger man wasn't looking at him, but he could see that Tir's eyes were screwed shut. He was fighting back tears. Sadness and guilt wrenched Gremio's heart. He now had to decide if he wanted to break his Young Master's heart. He could only watch in silence as Tir raised his hand to his closed eyes and rubbed them, trying to subdue the tears before they spilled.  
     " I know what you're going to say," the young man croaked. " I know it's stupid and impossible but I just hoped... that just maybe... somehow..." he stopped and sobbed softly. He was melting into a complete mess. Gremio moved closer and held Tir close to his chest, stroking his hair lightly, as he did so many times when Tir was just a boy. Tir hugged Gremio tightly, his body twitching when he tried to supress a sob.  
     " Young Master... I don't know what to say..." he whispered. Tir simply sobbed into Gremio's chest.  
     " Can't you just pretend...?" he squeaked, lifting his head to look up at Gremio. Gremio frowned.  
     " Pretend what, Young Master?" He asked, keeping is eyes on Tir's.  
     " That... you love me and just kiss me and tell me that it's okay and that I'm not crazy and that you always felt that way?" The young man blurted, sobbing directly afterward. Gremio clutched Tir to his chest, as if trying to hug away all that clouded his Young Master's mind.  
     " I just..." Tir mustered between sobs, " I want you so badly. I-I touch myself to thoughts of you," he stammered to an end. Gremio's cheeks flared up.  
     " Oh my..." he whispered.  
     Tir pushed himself away from Gremio's embrace, looking at him once again. Gremio gazed back, completely confused and heartbroken.  
     " Can... can I kiss you?" Tir asked, his voice falling to a juvenile whimper, reminding Gremio of just how young he was.  
     " Young Master, I don't think that would be appropriate..."  
     Tir looked up at him and pleaded, " Just one? Please? Just one kiss...?" his voice grew weaker. Gremio sighed heavily.  
     " Just one. But I really can never do this again, Young Master. You're like my son..." he said, his voice tight. Tir nodded slowly.  
     " I understand." His voice was firm but Gremio could hear the disappointment behind his words. Gently, the older man lifted the younger's chin and leaned in, his lips brushing Tir's before stopping, hesitating. Tir leaned in, closing the last of the distance between them. His breath dispersed against Gremio's skin in a contented sigh. They held their position for a moment, but soon Gremio pulled his lips back, opening his eyes to look down at his Young Master. He only had time to see Tir rush into him, kissing him again, but with far more passion. Gremio struggled against the younger man but both toppled back onto the bed, Tir taking his place atop the older man, kissing and suckling at his lips.  
     " Young Master!" Gremio cried into Tir's lips, and finally Tir jerked his head back, panting harshly, his hair disheveled and his face flushed. Slowly, the younger man crawled off and out of bed, stepping away with his back to Gremio. Gremio sat up and adjusted his clothing, looking up at the Young Master.  
     " I'm sorry, Gremio. You should go," he whispered harshly.  
     " Young Master, it's I who should be-"  
     " I said leave," Tir commanded, turning to stare Gremio in the face. Gremio opened his mouth to form some excuse, but simply shut it, rose to his feet, and left with a quiet " good night" before shutting the door behind him. 

     The sound of the latch knocked Tir to the floor, and he curled into a ball, squeezing at his sides to stop what felt like the very contents of his heart from spilling out. His chest and right hand ached in unison, and he knew from then on that his life was going to be slow and empty.


End file.
